* * *
When Marie first arrived at Xavier’s, the simple ability to shut off her unwanted power was all that she could have asked for. But by the time that heartfelt wish came within genuine reach, Marie the X-Man-in-training had more complex goals.
A simple all-or-nothing on-off switch for her power would be enough to allow her the illusion of normalcy, the possibility of counterfeiting a simple nonmutant existence — but of severely limited usefulness for mutant combat. More useful by far to be able to separate the different aspects of the absorption — for example, to render an enemy unconscious without burdening herself with another personality in her already-crowded head. Or to be able to take another’s power without having to accept their memories along with it (where possible — some powers *required* their owner’s memories just to enable control), even to borrow a teammate’s abilities without rendering them comatose.
Easiest by far was to take thoughts and memories — but there was a price. Surface thoughts — like a "telepathic snapshot" — could be vastly useful to absorb, but they could not be separated from traces of memory. And whereas a person’s thoughts during (and just preceding) contact were instantly known to Rogue, memories were less deliberately accessible.
Between the deliberate touches, the accidents during the long road to full control, and those first traumatic absorptions, Rogue had many memories floating around in her skull waiting for the right circumstances to trigger recall. Sometimes they could be useful, like helpful advice unexpectedly whispered into her ear — Erik and Logan helping her with history exams, Wolverine giving personal guidance during those early physical defense classes with Scott. Others were less pleasant, like finding herself suddenly sharing Logan’s doctor phobia while down in the Medlab with Jean. Some were simply startling, like having some rather intimate Erik memories popping up unexpectedly during a conversation with the Professor (who gave her a probing look but understandingly brought the discussion to an abrupt close). The most intense of these bubbled up into her dreams, her subconscious sending up clues of what new things had been added to the ever-seething stew — mostly the upsetting and undigestible bits, but occasionally a flash of surprisingly sweet recollection.
She had grown used to it, as much as one *could* accustom oneself to suddenly flashing back to being someone *else* for brief random moments. The rest of the household politely ignored it when Marie occasionally paused in midstride — or even midsentence — eyeing some person or thing as though she had never seen it before, or pensively staring off into space, or seeming to be listening to a voice no one else could hear. (That last was actually a frequent occurrence for many in a household that included telepaths.)
This had actually been the first time that Marie had touched Logan’s thoughts since the Statue of Liberty. His lengthy absence afterwards had kept him away from the X-Mansion during her extended struggle for control, preventing him from coming into contact with her again until she no longer needed practice subjects and no longer had to fear accidental absorptions. And on the few occasions after his return when she had been injured sufficiently to accept the offered loan of his healing factor, she had left him his privacy (and more to the point, saved herself further lab rat nightmares) by taking only his power and leaving his thoughts and memories strictly alone.
So she had just gone from having no inkling of the true depth of Logan’s feelings for her, to having a head full of it — his agony at being trapped in a loveless marriage with the woman he loved within sight yet out of reach, the bittersweet reaction to seeing her happy — or unhappy — with another man, the stony resolve to preserve both marriages for Marie and Max’s sakes.
The madness-inducing aspect of telepathy, empathy, and Marie’s own brand of thought-absorption was the inherent loss of self. Marie hadn’t merely learned how Logan felt — she bled inside as though the tangle of desire and obligation was her own personal problem. Her flight from his room had been the result of years of experience, warning her to put some distance between herself and the situation until her sense of self had restabilized.
Rogue had learned to be wary of the memory traces gained from each new absorption — especially in the first days after contact, when the personality was strongest and the sharpest memories were lurking just under the surface. But in this case, between the heavy absorption of Logan years before and the shock of his surface thoughts, Marie wasn’t worried. She’d already *had* his laboratory nightmares, as well as those blurry flashes of deja vu induced by combat scenes and by, oddly enough, Indiana Jones movies.
She frankly doubted that any of Logan’s more recent memories would be able to shock her as much as his surface thoughts already had.
* * *
TO BE CONTINUED...