"Damn!  This happens every time I get you undressed!"  Was that the *constable*?  The voice sounded like his, especially with that aggravated tone, but under the apparent circumstances...

Kira's teasing voice replied.  "Oh, I think we can manage in that amount of time.  I don't think we had more than ten minutes yesterday in that turbolift, but we did alright.  It's just a matter of motivation."  Sisko, now understanding why people had been complaining of slow-running turbolifts in recent weeks, leaned back in his chair and folded his hands in front of his chest.

"Well, I think I'm sufficiently motivated right now..."

"*Good*."  A giggle.  Then a male chuckle, and then a female yelp, and then a female giggle, and then a male cry and a female moan...

Sisko knew he should have shut off his communicator immediately, but he just couldn't bring himself to.  The *constable*?  With the *major*?  The *constable*?  With *any* woman?  *Odo*?  Sisko's eyebrow raised itself. as the laughter and moans continued...  and then the laughter faded out altogether as the moans grew louder...  and Sisko's other eyebrow raised itself .  

Was *this* the 'personal matter' that had caused that stupid mix-up with the elevator when Shakaar was visiting the station?  It certainly explained a lot.  And how long had this been going on, anyway?

Come to think of it, the constable *had* been in an unusually good mood for...  several weeks, at least.  Not that there had been any sign between him and the major that anything was going on...  at least in public.  But Kira had certainly looked like she had a secret recently...

This was auditory voyeurism, was what it was.  Ashamed of himself, Sisko moved his hand to his communicator to shut it off -- just as Dax and Bashir entered his office.  Fortunately, a rather loud cry from the major drowned out the sound of Bashir's startled, "What the hell-" and Dax clapped her hand across the doctor's mouth before he said anything else.  The pair on the comm channel never noticed.

Sisko quirked his eyebrow at the two and let them have a listen for a minute, then closed off the comm channel.  

Dax had a mischievous look that implied she had already known.  Bashir was taking some time to piece it together.  "What the hell was *that*?  1-900-PERVERTED?  Captain, has it been *that* long since Captain Yates visited the station?"

Sisko gave him the eyebrow look again.  "No.  I'll give you a clue what that was.  I just called Major Kira to tell her about the meeting and didn't shut off the comm channel quickly enough."

"Major *Kira*?  Then who was she with?  Shakaar hasn't been to the station in months..."

Sisko reached for his baseball.  "I think I've said more than enough already.  I really shouldn't be telling tales about my first officer's sex life."

Dax looked smug.  "*I'll* give you a clue.  It's someone on the station, and it's *most definitely* someone you know.  Just try to figure out who the voice sounded like."

The doctor looked puzzled.  "I don't know.  I haven't heard many -- uh, *any* -- of the men on this station moaning like *that*, you understand."

Dax smirked.  "Give it time.  Pay attention to who Kira spends her time around.  I'm sure you'll guess eventually."

Sisko directed the eyebrow at Dax this time.  "I take it you knew about this?"

Dax nodded eagerly,.  "Since the beginning.  I've been dragging the details out of *both* of them."

The doctor sighed.  "And of course, it would be unbelievable crude, not to mention unforgivably rude, to come right out and ask the major.  Alright, I guess I'll have to play your guessing game, if you won't come out and *tell me*.  Can't you at least give me a *clue*?"

Dax smirked.  "Think 'grumpy.'"

"WORF?!?"

"Yes?"  The Klingon entered, wearing his usual scowl.

"OK, maybe not."  Bashir frowned.  "Hmm... 'grumpy.'  Let's see...  Not Odo, of course...  Hmm...  MORN?!?"

Dax snickered.

"Are you calling me 'grumpy,' Doctor?"  Worf added a new layer of irritation to his expression.

"Uhh, well, it was *Dax's* word."

Worf turned to Dax.  "Thank you."

Dax nodded at him.  "You're welcome.  Except I wasn't talking about you."

"Oh."  Worf scowled at the table.

Just then, Kira walked in.  "Are we late?"  Trailing behind her came the constable, looking unusual cheerful -- that is to say,  he *wasn't* snarling.

"No, not at all."  Dax smiled brightly at the pair of them.  Then she flashed a glance at the doctor.  Bashir missed the point for a slow count of three -- then he choked on his coffee.

Odo frowned at the coughing doctor.  "Is something the matter, Doctor?"

"No," <cough> "nothing at all," <choke> "just something I heard from Dax." <giggle>  Having deftly turned attention to Dax, he retreated into his coffee mug.

"And would you care to share this with the rest of us, Dax?"

Dax never lost her smile.  "I *could*, but I doubt you'd like me to."

"*Oh*.  I *see*."  Odo gave her a glare usually reserved for Quark.

By this time, Julian had given up on the coffee and was trying to stifle his giggles behind his hand.

"*I* do *not* see."  Worf had of course missed the performance over the comm channel, and neither Dax, Bashir, nor Sisko had bothered to fill him in.

"Good."  Odo briefly transferred his glare to the Klingon before shifting his attention to the by-now-semi-hysterical doctor.  Dax was still getting her fair share of indignation, since Kira by now had gotten the "joke" and was eying the Trill menacingly.

O'Brien walked in.  "Sorry I'm late.  Did I miss anything?"

It was too much for the doctor.  He fell out of his seat and curled up on the floor cackling madly.  Worf, still without clue one as to what was going on (and secretly fearing the laughter might in some way be directed at *him*), gave his best snarl and remained silent.

Sisko cleared his throat.  "Could we get down to business, please?" he said, just as Odo responded to O'Brien's comment.

"No, Chief, you didn't miss much.  I haven't dragged Cmdr. Dax to the brig yet."

Sisko had had enough.  "Don't go blaming Dax, Constable.  *You* were the ones who forgot to make sure that the comm channel was off."

Kira choked on her raktajino.  (Had Julian still been in his seat, he would have gotten a mouthful of hot liquid right in the face.  Fortunately for the doctor, he was lying on the floor hyperventilating.)  Odo's face froze.  While the major started coughing beside him, he very slowly lowered his face into his hand.

"I... see," said O'Brien, who really didn't.

"I *still* do *not*."  Worf's scowl had become a glare.

"Could we *please* call this meeting to order?"  Sisko had tired of the chaos.  

The meeting got underway, despite the doctor's repeated, partially-muffled, giggles, which were now shared by Dax.  Worf and O'Brien continued to exchange puzzled looks.  Kira and Odo alternately glared at the giggling pair and stared at the table.  Sisko looked resigned to the antics of his senior staff.  Eventually it was over and everyone could leave.  

Kira and Odo made a break for the door first, probably setting several speed records on the way out.  Sisko and Dax made a more dignified escape.  O'Brien and Bashir lingered, while Worf took his time rising to his feet and leaving, since a Klingon had more dignity than to waste time gossiping.  He was just leaving at a dignified pace.  Klingons do *not* eavesdrop.

"What was that all about, Julian?"

"Well, you see, in every young changeling's life, there comes a time...  Umm, you know about the birds and the bees?  Well, this is the birds, and the bees, and the changelings... and Major Kira."

O'Brien gave him a startled look.  Behind them, a menacing rumble started in Worf's throat.  "You don't say.  That *would* explain why he hasn't had time to go kayaking with me lately.  But what were you and Dax laughing about during the meeting?  Something about a comm channel left open?"  By now, the rumble had become a recognizable chuckle.

"Well, let's just say that the captain and Dax and I got treated to an impromptu *performance* over the comm channel right before the meeting.  It was actually quite entertaining.  The major was especially loud.  I didn't realize she could hit those high notes like that.  The constable should be proud.  I'd ask him for pointers, but I doubt he'd be able to give me any I'm physically equipped to use.  Besides, he'd probably slap me around a bit and toss me in the brig just for asking."

O'Brien's laugh was drowned out by Worf's increasing mirth.  "That must have been *quite* amusing."

"Well, the funny part didn't come until I finally figured out who that *was* with the major...  Dax gave me only one clue:  'Think "grumpy."'"

A Klingon rolling around on the floor laughing his ass off is really one of the rarer sights in this, or any other, universe...  Unfortunately, O'Brien and Bashir were laughing too hard themselves to notice.

1)  In the department of giving credit/blame where it's due:  This story was written during the magical, fun-filled year I spent rooming with the mysterious individual known in fanfic circles as "The Goddess."  As was the case for most stories written by the two of us during that period, although only one name went on this story, the other had at least a *shred* of creative input, even if said creative input extended merely to reading over the author's shoulder and making snide remarks.  In this case, the snide remards were:  "The birds, the bees, and the changelings," "1-900-PERVERTED," "MORN?!?" "Think 'grumpy,'" and, "lying on the floor hyperventilating."

2)  Some astute readers may note some faint resemblance to the microphone-under-the- bed scene from M*A*S*H.  I noticed this myself -- *after* writing it.  Such plagiarism/"tribute" was not my conscious intention.

3)  It has been stated by many a better author than I that, to a fanfic author, reader commentary is one's only form of payment.  I wouldn't go *that* far.  However, I've sent enough good and bad commentary over past years to deserve whatever comments my own readers choose to grace or inflict me with.  Questions, comments, snide remarks, death threats, and queries regarding other stories by The Goddess or myself can all go to <FyrDrakken@juno.com>.

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